The Essence of Relationships

Perfect song for my blog series, Punch Drunk Lust in the Club.

Love In This Club (by UsherVEVO)

I remember being 16 years young and befriending a 21 year old young lady, in which she taught me a lot of things. Having a 21 year old friend was a gift and a curse because you try to grow up quicker than expected. I remember trying my first drink at 16, going to a 21+ club and dating older guys around this age. This lifestyle consumed me and I consumed the lifestyle. Being an avid club-goer, you spend countless hours, money, and outfits trying to impress that “lucky” one.

I love to dance and going to the club was one of my favorite past times because I can show off my outfit and new moves at the same time. I wasn’t the type to hit the club up to sit there and have someone be my date for the night just because he brought me a drink. I just loved going to the club to dance, check out the availability of men and just have a good time with my peoples. This grew old quickly once I went away to college but I never told anyone this because I was in the college getting an education and wanted to let some stress out. What better way of doing it besides party and bullish around lol.

In college, I was known as one of the best dancers on campus and even taught a few people some moves that they were unfamiliar with. Every time, I hit the club just hearing the music gave me an euphoric feeling because I was getting it in with the rest of the crowd and developing new ways on how to gyrate my hips and pop it harder than the next chick. I noticed gyrating hips definitely brings you noticeable attention that was unnecessary. Along with the unnoticeable attention comes the guys and lustful tendencies and ideas. This was the beginning of punch drunk lust in the club.

Each time I stepped foot in the club, I ended up giving my number out and finding “lust” in the club, hence the title Punch Drunk Lust in the Club. Instead of finding love in the club like our dear friend Usher, I decided to use lust because a lot of lustful situations happens in the club. I am not knocking people who are club goers but I took back seat to club hopping because I found disasters in the club. I see some eyebrows raising as I type this sentence lol..I would to hear from those who actually found love in the club. Please send me your stories.

To Be Continued..

This could happen to any of us!

If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. -Malcolm X

Ladies and gents, I thought about you all on this dreary but beautiful day in Southern New England. May 19 marks the 86th birthday of Dear Brother Malcolm X. I am not writing an article about Malcolm X’s life but I wanted to give my thoughts on the above quote: If you don’t stand for something you will fall for anything. Don’t take this quote lightly because we all can fall victim to falling for anything especially in this era.

I am a firm believer of being a product of our environment and learning certain behaviors from our environment. Our first two years of life is very important because we developed attachment to our caregivers whether it is our biological or adoptive parents/families. When you see a healthy development and attachment being developed it is a beautiful thing because you want that child to thrive and succeed in life and in future relationships. When a child doesn’t developed that healthy attachment, they tend to go out and fall for anything due to not having a firm foundation.

Being naive and having blurred vision can make you lose yourself and fall for anything. When you meet someone they are going to put their best foot forward to gain your interest and approval. At this point in time, you should listen to your intuition and decided are you meeting the representative or the actual lovey, dovey genuine person. Listening to your intuition and being attentive can save you from being manipulated and on a journey of heartache and pain. 

I can admit to falling for lies and deception in previous relationships. The red flags were blazing, hot fire but I was too caught up in the lust and lost myself. I remember my mother telling me if everything is too good to be true, find the nearest exit and run. Nothing in this world is picture perfect because we are imperfectly flawed human beings.

Those who are charming, self-centered, inflated egos, selfish, and disconnected from reality can manipulate you into falling for anything. Some of these traits could be signs of a narcissist/manipulative person. Stay far away from these types because they are going to lure you in especially if you suffer from low-self esteem, poor self-imagine or even if you are temporary down and out. They are going to promise you the Earth, moon, stars and Heaven but will have you suffering as if you are living in Hell. Stand your ground and stand for yourself and your self-worth.

Signs that you fell for anything:

1. You find yourself in an one sided relationship
2. You put in more effort to make your relationship work than your significant other
3. No compromises and broken promises
   
4. You are constantly blamed and accept your significant other blame for the errors in the relationship
   
5. Your significant other has either left or threatened to leave after every argument
6. Your significant other constantly criticizes you and try to make you seem psychotic
7. You found yourself in an abusive and unhappy relationship and is willing to stay to work things out. *Google Cycle of Abuse*
   

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. -Mahatma Ghandi

Hello and welcome to The Essence of Relationships and I am your host Drea Camille! Since we have that square away, I wanted to briefly discussed the power of forgiveness. If you are a person who struggles with forgiveness or basically feel that you don’t have to forgive for whatever reason, well this article is for you.

I, too, once was a failure at the art of forgiveness but I’m not a Guru either. I’m steadily learning the art of forgiveness. I noticed the unnecessary stress and drama I created alone by not forgiving others for their mistakes and error towards me. Once I started  noticing that the people I held resentment against was going about their business in life and wasn’t thinking about me, that’s when I knew it was time to admit the ugly truth about myself. Remember, those who anger you controls you.

If you are going to survive in this journey called life, you must be able to forgive yourself and others. If you are not willing to forgive than you are placing yourself on the “killing yourself softly” list. Forgiveness also set you and the other person free from shame, guilt, and power. Being unforgivable allows the other person to have power and control over your life. I’m sorry but I only want God to have power and control over my life not an imperfect human being. 

If you are involved in any type of humanly relationships, in which both parties are imperfect and flawed, mishaps and mistakes are going to take place. It doesn’t cost a thing to forgive and let go. Only the strong survive in a successful, loving, healthy, forgivable relationship. It takes two strong individuals to admit their mistakes and openly forgive. If you are going to hold on to anger and resentment, you will find yourself alone at night, holding that pillow tight.

Key things to Forgiveness:

1. God forgives us constantly and bless those who forgive others
2. Clean Conscious: You will sleep better at night 
3. Set yourself free by forgiveness and let it go
4. You become a stronger and kinder individual
5. You will live, laugh, and love longer